Carole Carson

The Challenge of Divine Discontent

No one is a bigger fan of positive psychology than I am. I make a point each day to stop and give thanks for the many gifts I receive including the two most important ones—my good health along with the love and support of my family and friends.

Yet as much as I try to savor each passing moment, I do not walk around in a state of bliss. I experience moments of frustration and stress. I may wake up irritable for no particular reason. I can be discouraged by a setback on a project. Or I can be disappointed by the actions of someone I’m close to. Although these events trigger a sense of discontent, the associated feelings are transitory. I quickly bounce back to my positive outlook.

Divine discontent, however, is another matter. When divine discontent breaks through to my consciousness, I know that I need to make a change in my life. Instead of resisting or ignoring the uncomfortable emotion (hoping it will go away), I’ve learned to embrace it. Based on past experience, I now know that divine discontent signals that it is time for my heart and mind to grow and learn. It functions as an impetus for change and precedes a burst of creativity that results in a more satisfying life.

I begin by focusing attention on the condition that triggered the divine discontent. At this point, I feel as if I am entering a black tunnel with no light at the end of it. Yet if I am willing to enter the tunnel and keep walking, I emerge into brilliant daylight. I discover new goals, I have a renewed sense of excitement about the future and I feel my daily decisions are once again aligned with my heart’s desires.

Two examples come to mind. First, when I approached my 50th birthday, I realized that while I had succeeded professionally, I lacked a partner with which to share life’s journey. Although I tried to convince myself that I was happy being single, I longed for a solid, stable relationship with a spouse. Being alone on this milestone birthday made me very sad; however, the moment I acknowledged my divine discontent, I shifted my perspective. Nine months later, I met my wonderful husband, Dick, who personifies the qualities of stability and loyalty. Eighteen months later, we were married. Had I not acknowledged this discontent, I probably would still be single.

The second example led to a decision to lose weight and become fit. One ordinary morning, I stepped on the bathroom scale, and it broke. In that instant, I realized that I had been unhappy with my weight for my entire life. For years, I had tried to persuade myself that my weight didn’t matter. But it did matter, and the broken scale symbolized my broken promises to take care of my body. Acknowledging my divine discontent triggered a commitment to eat more healthfully and exercise regularly for the rest of my life.

Had I not acknowledged my discontent, I would have continued on the same path—one that ultimately would have led to serious medical problems or perhaps my premature death.

In both cases, once I embraced the divine discontent, I made different choices, and these new choices created conditions in my life in closer alignment with my core values. William Samuel, writing about this phenomenon, says it is like “pushing a canoe into a river where it is quickly caught up in the silent and effortless flow” or “like putting a seed in fertile ground.”

If you are in a state of divine discontent, particularly if you are unhappy with your weight or the condition of your body, take heart. Divine discontent is a message we send to ourselves that keeps us from standing still when it is time to learn and grow.

Listen to the message embedded in your discontent—the challenge is to grow something beautiful from this emotion. You can be confident that embracing the discontent will cause you to make different choices. These choices will result in a more fulfilling and joyful life—one that is consistent with your deepest needs, cherished values and highest vision.

"There is no security on Earth, there is only opportunity."             General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

Three Ways to Avoid a Broken Heart

Our heart—that quiet, understated partner—will beat 36,500,000 times in 2009. To avoid a broken heart, we need to listen to its message before it’s too late.

Why do we need to listen? Because one out of every three Americans (nearly 81 million), suffers from some form of cardiovascular disease, a condition that encompasses not only heart attacks, but also strokes, aneurysms and atherosclerosis.

Over the past seven years, we’ve witnessed significant progress in the treatment of heart disease. This progress has resulted in a lowered death rate, so much so that cancer is projected to overtake heart disease in 2010 as the number one cause of death in the United States.

But cancer’s promotion to the spot of #1 killer is hardly cause for celebration since the toll from heart disease remains high. Approximately half a million individuals die each year from cardiovascular diseases. Seniors, parents, spouses and even children are its victims.

If our hearts could speak, they’d tell us to take good care of our health not only during American Heart Month, but throughout the year. If you’re ready to listen, consider these three tips (FIT):

F: Focus on maintaining a positive outlook, a grateful attitude, enriching relationships and satisfying work. Attaining and sustaining good mental health protects your physical health.

I: Invest 30-60 minutes a day in exercise. Researchers report that exercise, even for those who are only slightly overweight, can reduce the risk of heart disease. For those who are overweight or obese, exercise becomes even more essential to reduce the risk of heart disease.

T: Take off the extra weight. Even a few extra pounds increase the risk of heart disease. In one study of 21,000 men, researchers found that every pound of extra weight increased risk. The chubbier participants faced a 180 percent increase in the odds of developing the heart disease.

According to Dr. David Sabgir, Ohio-based board certified cardiologist and founder of the Walk With a Doc program, “Notwithstanding the wonderful advances in treatment, prevention remains the safest, most reliable and least expensive way to avoid cardiovascular disease. Plus, patients who adopt healthful habits to protect their heart (such as exercising regularly and losing weight) are simultaneously protecting themselves from other health problems.

As part of your prevention program, consider heart-friendly ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Instead of devouring a box of chocolates sitting in front of the television, take the hand of your loved one and go for a walk. If you give gifts, consider a pedometer or heart monitor. These are gifts that truly show how much you care.

And while you’re at it, get a one for yourself. When we take care of our health, we reduce our chances for a broken heart. Not only do we set a positive example for others, we also improve the odds that we’ll have many more future Februarys to enjoy with family and friends.

"You can create more opportunities by asking for them"                Patty Hansen

Do You Need a Wellness Coach?

When beginning my fitness makeover several years ago, I was suffering from a torn hamstring. Knowing that I could easily reinjure myself with an overly aggressive exercise program or by undertaking the wrong kind of exercise, I hired a personal trainer.

Until that point, I had considered personal trainers the exclusive province of the rich and famous. I was delighted to discover that personal trainers were affordable and available to work with ordinary persons like me. The use of personal trainers is now widespread and has resulted in an exponential growth in the industry over the past decade. And despite the struggling economy, future projections are optimistic.

Were I to begin my fitness makeover today, however, I might consider hiring a wellness coach. While personal trainers tend to focus on the exercise component of fitness, wellness coaches cover all aspects of fitness, including physical, mental and emotional health.

Like the personal training industry, wellness coaching, even though a relatively new industry, is experiencing dramatic growth. In some cases, growth is the result of employers’ use of wellness coaching services to encourage employees to adopt healthier habits, thereby reducing medical costs. In other cases, individuals decide they are ready to make significant lifestyle changes, realize they are unlikely to succeed on their own and reach out for professional assistance. Yet another example is the person who wants to achieve peak health and well-being and decides to take charge of his or her health.

To learn more about coaching, I talked with Margaret “Meg” Moore who leads Wellcoaches, a community of 3,000 health and wellness coaches. Margaret is the lead author of the Coaching Psychology Manual and is a founding advisor of the Institute of Lifestyle Medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Here are 8 questions and Meg’s answers to help you decide if you could benefit from wellness coaching.

Q: Do I need a wellness coach?

A: Whether you are ready to make significant changes in your lifestyle or want to optimize your present lifestyle, a wellness coach will improve the likelihood that you will be successful. Coaches are trained as experts in facilitating lasting change and growth. They are partners in assisting you to expedite the change process—outgrowing your challenges and struggles——and helping you go faster and farther than you would do alone.

Q: What does the coach do for me?

A: Coaches facilitate a process for change and growth through invigorating coaching sessions that are workouts for your brain. The goal is to build the optimal mind-set— clarity, focus, energy and resilience—during and following the change process to create and then maintain your new lifestyle. While coaches bring lots of expertise and experience, they will brainstorm with you to help you tap your own learning and insights.

Q: Is coaching limited to fitness? Or does it extend to all areas of my life?

A: The scope of wellness coaches is to help clients reach optimal well-being, whatever that looks like for you. This includes physical health (exercise, nutrition, weight, sleep and physical energy) and mental health (stress coping, life meaning and purpose, positive mind-set, nourishing relationships, resilience and concepts based upon the science of positive psychology).

Q: How can I assess my well-being?

A: Here’s a quick assessment to help you think about your well-being.

Q: How long do individuals usually need a coach for? What does the service typically cost?

A: The ideal initial commitment is for three months. Following a 60- to 90-minute planning session, you may commit to two sessions per month (30 to 45 minutes each, depending upon the complexity of your circumstances) at a cost of approximately $100 to $150 per month. You can continue after three months with two sessions per month or go to monthly or quarterly sessions with e-mail or phone check-ins between sessions. Plan on meeting your coach every year for a planning session, just as you might meet a financial planner or your physician. In light of the extended relationship, it’s important to choose a coach who you think would make a great long-term partner and advocate.

Q: How can I justify this expense in a worrisome economy?

A: In these tumultuous times, it’s never been more important to invest in the only asset you can’t live without: your health. It’s important to stand back and ask yourself, how much is my optimal health worth to me? While Americans are living longer, many of us lost a lot of retirement savings recently in the stock market, which means we will need to work longer. But you need to be healthy to work longer and enjoy your life.

Before investing in a coaching program, define clearly what a good return on investment would look like for you and work with your coach to reach the returns that you need.

Q: How do I find a wellness coach?

A: Wellcoaches can help you find a coach. E-mail us at clients@wellcoaches.com, call 877-744-3356 or go to www.wellcoaches.com/clients and the Find a Coach page to search for a coach.

Q: How do I know if the coach is effective? How do I evaluate a coach?

A: Be sure to clearly articulate your goals and what you define as success and then measure results accordingly.

According to Coach Meg, “For the first time in human history, we are asking people to take charge and be the bosses of their health and wellness. This is a new life skill, which is challenging to master. While most of us are skilled at managing our work projects, few of us have ever learned how to develop and implement a personal wellness plan.” Coach Meg’s mission is to educate and energize people to reach optimal health and well-being.

After trying and failing to lose weight for 40 years, I knew from my own experience that mastering health and wellness skills on my own was impossible. To make significant changes, I needed support.

If you are struggling to lose weight, get moving, quit smoking, reduce stress, sleep better or adopt a healthy habit, consider a wellness coach. With professional assistance, you’ll find yourself making daily decisions that are in alignment with your health and wellness goals, and you’ll feel great about your positive choices.

"A person who has health has a thousand wishes, a person who doesn’t has but one."                Anonymous

Weight-Loss Magic: One Question, Three Words

One out of four American men and nearly half of American women are on a diet to lose weight. For most of my adult life, I contributed to this statistic.

If you’ve tried to diet to lose weight, you know how uncomfortable you are with a growling stomach and a clock telling you it isn’t time to eat for another hour. Even then, the allotted portion of food will barely take the edge off your hunger, and you’ll be in the same condition two hours later.

Even more discouraging is the fact that if you do manage to lose a few pounds through your heroic dieting efforts, you may inadvertently trigger a boomerang effect. After dieting, you may end up overcompensating by eating anything and everything in sight until you’ve not only regained the weight you lost but added a few more pounds as well.

Forty years of experience in failed dieting attempts makes me an expert, and I can state with authority that dieting doesn’t work because it requires a willingness to live in a constant state of frustration and deprivation. Like most of us, I am unwilling to spend my days battling my instincts and then feeling bad when I lose the battle.

What’s the solution? Ask yourself a single three-word question every time you want to eat: Am I hungry?

Dr. Edward Abramson, author of Body Intelligence, concludes that “only a small part of our eating is actually triggered by physical hunger. Most of the time we're eating in response to external food cues like the sight of others eating or in response to an emotional upset.”

I decided to test Dr. Abramson’s conclusion that we usually eat in response to a need other than hunger.

Each time I begin to eat, I ask myself the question, Am I hungry? If the answer is yes, I quickly assess how hungry I am—from starving (rarely) to moderately hungry to not even a tiny bit hungry. If I’m not hungry, I don’t eat. And when I am hungry, I frequently find that a small amount of food satisfies my hunger, and I am able to reduce my portions without feeling deprived.

Answering the question enables me to distinguish between eating when I am hungry versus eating in response to an external cue. So far, I’ve identified nine types of dysfunctional eating unrelated to hunger:

• Recreational: going out to lunch with a girlfriend and eating more than usual just for the fun of it

• Preventive: eating a quick snack before heading out to run errands to avoid hunger later

• Convenience: grabbing and eating whatever is handy—even though the food doesn’t appeal to me—because I am rushing

• Celebratory: eating a piece of wedding cake, for example, to honor the occasion

• Comfort: eating to reassure myself that all will be well

• Fatigue: eating to compensate for lack of energy at the end of a tiring day

• Time-Based: eating because the clock says it is lunchtime

• Reward: eating after enduring a demanding day or finishing a challenging task

• Thirst-Based: eating food when my body craves water

Once I identified the kinds of eating that had nothing to do with hunger, I could reduce or eliminate them without a sense of hardship. I was delightfully surprised to discover that simply asking and answering the question saved me from eating surplus calories.

Don’t get me wrong. Losing weight still involves focus and effort. Keeping a food journal, monitoring weight, setting goals, learning new ways to cook more healthfully and teaming up with others to provide mutual support continue to be essential, ongoing tasks.

But losing weight does not have to involve frustration and deprivation. Instead of dieting, each time you want to eat, ask and answer a simple question, Am I hungry?

This simple question will help you identify the surplus calories you would otherwise consume that have nothing to do with hunger. These pound-accumulating calories can be eliminated without a sense of sacrifice or deprivation. Instead of battling your body, you’ll be relying on your body’s intelligence. In harmony with yourself, you can sustain your eating program until you reach your weight-loss goal. Equally important, you’ll possess a valuable tool to help you maintain your new shape.

The question works magic. All you need to do is remember to ask it.

"People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it"                         Howard Newton

Revitalizing New Year’s Resolutions

Have you abandoned your New Year's resolutions? January is barely over, yet despite the best of intentions, many of us have relapsed into former habits. Even worse, we are self-critical of our inability to make the changes we promised ourselves we’d make—changes intended to improve our health and vitality and restore our self-esteem.

Like the two-headed god Janus who looked simultaneously into the future and the past, you will need to look in both directions to succeed in restarting your New Year’s resolutions. Here are three FIT tips to get you back on track:

F: Face the truth and forgive past failures. Without blaming or criticizing yourself, conduct a compassionately ruthless audit of the resolutions you kept and the ones you failed to keep. Write down each broken resolution on a small slip of paper and put the note in a bag. When you’ve completed the process, toss the bag away. Forgive yourself and move on. Remind yourself that to be human is to be imperfect.

I: Imagine how you want to look at the end of the year. Imagine how much you want to weigh and how you want to feel about yourself. Create a clear vision of your new reality. Once you have a clear picture in mind, gather five stones. Write a goal on each one and place the stones together in a glass jar where you will see them each day. Being reminded of your promises to yourself will help guide your daily decisionmaking, whether it involves what to eat or how much to exercise.

T: Transport yourself into your new reality now. Acknowledge your ongoing commitment to achieve fitness. Remind yourself that you don't have to wait until you have achieved all of your fitness goals to be happy. As you move toward your goals, be joyful in the present moment. Even though you may still look like the same person on the outside, the new you is taking shape on the inside. Remember that there is no destination—only the journey. Enjoy each step.

As you move forward, don’t be surprised if your steady progress is marred by an occasional relapse. You may be cheerfully walking on your self-chosen path only to find that you've tripped over an obstacle and fallen flat on your face. Consider these relapses part of an essential learning process. As Colin Powell observed, “There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.” You can be confident that as long as you follow these three tips, you'll pick yourself up and continue your journey.

"You always pass failure on the way to success."                 Mikey Rooney

Foods That Won’t Go to Waist: The Healthiest 11

What’s in your cupboard and refrigerator? Are you regularly preparing and enjoying foods that can reduce your cholesterol along with the risk of cardiovascular diseases and cancer? Some of these superfoods can help you manage your appetite by stabilizing your blood-sugar level and can even lift your spirit. All of these benefits are critical to those of us seeking to keep our weight in check.

Here are 11 of the 150 healthiest foods, according to Dr. Jonny Bowden, a nationally known expert on weight loss and nutrition and author of The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth: The Surprising, Unbiased Truth about What You Should Eat and Why. Dr. Bowden promises us that if we make a place for these foods on our table, we’ll instantly upgrade our health—without a prescription:

1. Beets

2. Cabbage

3. Swiss chard

4. Cinnamon

5. Pomegranate juice

6. Dried plums (otherwise known as prunes)

7. Pumpkin seeds

8. Sardines

9. Turmeric

10.Blueberries (frozen or fresh)

11.Pumpkin (canned or fresh)

How many do you eat regularly? I enjoy 8 of the 11.

I keep canned beets chilled and ready to toss on a green salad. Cabbage makes a great salad, especially when combined with grapes, nuts and a citrus-based dressing. I toss cinnamon on my cereal and add an extra teaspoon to baked goods. Dried plums are great for midafternoon snacks. I keep sardines in the refrigerator for a high-protein, calcium-rich lunch. Turmeric is a wonderful spice to add to any egg dish. I enjoy blueberries many different ways—by themselves, with yogurt or in muffins. Until recently, I used canned pumpkin only to make holiday pies. Now I serve it as a side dish instead of sweet potatoes.

But I’ve missed out on three of Dr. Bowden’s superfoods. So next week, when I go grocery shopping, I’ll add swiss chard, pomegranate juice and pumpkin seeds to my grocery cart.

You can be confident that these 11 superfoods won’t go to waist. As I discovered from my own weight-loss journey, eating for enjoyment and health rather than dieting is the way to successfully achieve and maintain a peak level of fitness.

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet"                    Fran Lebowitch

Three Tips to Attack the Munchies

All of us are vulnerable to irresistible urges to eat a particularly fattening or unhealthy food. My downfall is a craving for sugar late in the afternoon when both my energy and spirits sag.

According to a recent study, women are more susceptible to these urges than are men. But whatever your sex, at some point, you’ll be tested. Designing a strategy for coping is essential. Here are three tips to help you respond to otherwise overwhelming impulses (FIT):

F: Focus on what triggered the craving and forgo responding immediately. Let me explain. Recently, I disembarked from an airplane plane and immediately found myself in the middle of an inviting food court. As soon as I smelled warm chocolate-chip cookies, I desperately wanted one of the decadent delights—maybe even 2 or 3. I reminded myself that when I came off the plane, I wasn’t hungry. Nonetheless, the enticing aroma of warm cookies and the sight of everyone around me eating triggered an instant craving. As soon as I left the food court, the craving disappeared.

I: Inventory your prior food intake. When you are deciding whether to indulge a craving, review what you have already eaten that day, particularly the last meal. Researchers report that such a review triggers the “I’m satisfied” experience. In the example above, I reviewed what I had eaten for breakfast and lunch plus the snack I’d eaten on the airplane. With that review fresh in my mind, I realized I wasn’t the slightest bit hungry. This research is consistent with that of Dr. Edward Abramson, author of Body Intelligence, who concludes that “only a small part of our eating is actually triggered by physical hunger. Most of the time we're eating in response to external food cues like the sight of others eating or in response to an emotional upset.”

T: Take time to plan and prepare your meals. When you have a meal to look forward to, you’re less inclined to snack. Plus, you’ll eat healthier (fewer prepackaged foods) and save money because you’ll waste fewer groceries. Researchers confirm that home-prepared meals are more nutritious and generally lower in fat than restaurant meals are. Plus, you’ll make fewer trips to the grocery store, and you can plan meals around your schedule. When you sit down to eat, pay attention to the subtle body signal that you are satisfied—when you are about 75 percent full. Mindful eating will help you eat less and enjoy the food more.

Temptations to indulge will never go away. They will challenge your goal to maintain the weight and fitness you desire. But by teasing out environmental cues and paying attention to your body’s signals, you can gain power over food and successfully attack the munchies.

"Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper."                 Adelle Davis (1904-1974)

Trivia Question

What percent of women die each year from some type of cardiovascular disease, and how does this percentage compare with deaths from breast cancer?

1. Less than 25 percent of deaths of women are caused by cardiovascular disease, and an equivalent number die from breast cancer.

2. Less than 10 percent of deaths of women are caused by cardiovascular disease, and twice that number of women die from breast cancer.

3. Approximately 37 percent of deaths of women are caused by cardiovascular disease, and this represents six times the number of women who die from breast cancer.

The answer is 3. Heart disease is—by far and away—the single leading cause of death of women in the United States. Other causes of death, even when aggregated, do not exceed the number of deaths of women related to cardiovascular disease.

Yet women tend to view cardiovascular disease as a man’s disease. Consequently, a woman may underestimate the risk to herself, her mother and her sisters and daughter. Women frequently fail to recognize the symptoms, resulting in delayed treatments. Both men and women need to familiarize themselves with symptoms to assure prompt medical attention. Equally important, both men and women need to adopt heart healthy lifestyles that can help reduce the risk.